My job; my hell

[NT2C]

As is tradition, we needed this topic. 

[Lambykins]

Just general complaints on working with the public as a cashier at a grocery store.....aka How To Piss Off a Cashier ....
1) Wait until the cashier has rung everything up and totaled it and THEN hand them the 36 coupons you dug out of your purse. Make sure some are expired. Argue the expiration dates with cashier.

2) If you bring your own reusable bags, wait until the bagger/cashier has bagged the majority of your groceries before you announce that you have your own bags and hand them over. Insist that everything already bagged has to be taken out of store bags and put in your bags. Bonus points: don't clean your bags ever and bring them in all nasty and smelly.

3) Stack those groceries high on the conveyer belt! Sure, they will most likely fall over and hit the cashier's feet, but what's a two pound can of crushed tomatoes going to do to her foot anyway? Besides, it slows down the cashier as she has to sort everything out to scan the items and she was supposed to go on her break 2 minutes ago, so she'll be able to relax as she picks through your order.

4) Stay on your phone the entire time you are in line and doing your transaction. Talk loudly. Of course everyone wants to hear the fascinating call to your gynecologists' office as you describe your yeast infection. Ignore the cashier as she tells you your total and wave off any attempts of anyone telling you to have a nice day.

5) Blame the cashier for prices. Absolutely , the cashier is in control of every single price in the store and should be able to *fix* it for you. Cashiers are omnipotent.

6) If something fails to scan, ALWAYS say "It must be free!". It's not like the cashier hasn't heard that dozens of times a day, every day. 

7) The cashiers are there to SERVE YOU. Even if you encounter one in the bathroom, running through an aisle to do a price check or if they have put up their *closed* sign. If you explain their need to *serve you* forcefully enough, they will gladly stop whatever they are doing to grovel and carry out your wishes.

8 ) ALWAYS but ALWAYS ask for a discount. For whatever reason you can think of. Old age, military, police, firefighter, EMT, etc. If you can't get one, complain LOUDLY.

9) If all else fails, demand a managers presence. Nothing a shift manager loves more than interrupting her day to attend to a customer that wants to use an expired coupon.

10) Keep your money in your bra, your socks or your underwear for safekeeping. Especially in summer and especially if you sweat a lot. Cashiers don't mind your sweaty money! Why would they?

11) Pay with the most amount of change you have on every occasion. Counting all your change helps your cashier stay sharp on her change counting skills!

12) Exact change for a purchase is a wonderful thing, but follow customer protocol...wait until the cashier has totaled your order, hand them a big bill, see the drawer pop open and wait until the cashier starts making change THEN announce "I have the exact change", then slowly and laboriously dig into your pockets and/or purse to find the change. Bonus points for doing this when there is a long line behind you.

13) Forget how the card reader works. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Have to be instructed in using it. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Hit the wrong buttons. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Doesn't matter that you shop there almost every day, they must have changed the way they work every night or something! Remember to either pull your card out too soon at least twice, OR, just for fun, leave it in too long so the system times out.

That is just a few ways to piss off your friendly neighborhood grocery cashier...

[12_Gauge_Chimp]

You forgot to mention the customer who wants to pay with either pennies or sweaty boob money.

Having worked as a cashier at Dollar General in SE Texas, I've had that happen to me more than once. It got to the point where my manager had to put up a sign that said "Please don't pay with pennies only or with wet or damp bills".

[Lambykins]

You forgot to mention the customer who wants to pay with either pennies or sweaty boob money.

Having worked as a cashier at Dollar General in SE Texas, I've had that happen to me more than once. It got to the point where my manager had to put up a sign that said "Please don't pay with pennies only or with wet or damp bills".

I will fix that! Also, we actually had someone pay with CROTCH money. Yes, the woman fished a 20 out of her underwear....in summer. Yes, it was damp.

*fixed it and added a couple of others...the exact change and card reader things happened to me multiple times today.

[12_Gauge_Chimp]

You forgot to mention the customer who wants to pay with either pennies or sweaty boob money.

Having worked as a cashier at Dollar General in SE Texas, I've had that happen to me more than once. It got to the point where my manager had to put up a sign that said "Please don't pay with pennies only or with wet or damp bills".

I will fix that! Also, we actually had someone pay with CROTCH money. Yes, the woman fished a 20 out of her underwear....in summer. Yes, it was damp.

*fixed it and added a couple of others...the exact change and card reader things happened to me multiple times today.

Never had anyone try to pay with crotch cash, but I wouldn't be surprised if that happened during the shifts I wasn't on schedule for. 

[RoneKiln]

Most of my clients are subsidiaries of large international corporations. They're not the most centralized organizations cause they're old enough that their development was heavily influenced by both antimonopoly laws when they were more strictly enforced and a lack of internet connected computer systems. They're essentially large local businesses owned by large international corporations.

Today I got to inform a corporate person of a multibillion dollar facility they didn't know they were in charge of.

That's not literally technically true, but it's as close to accurate as I can share and conveys the concept.

I need to get work done in that facility. And the person in charge of what I need to get work done in didn't know it existed. Cause despite being an awesome person to work with, they're stuck in a jacked to hell organization. AND I NEED TO GET WORK DONE IN THERE! But I can't. Cause the person in charge hasn't even heard of the place.

So someone in a closer time zone that makes far more money says "we'll just take this shortcut to save labor." But it's not a shortcut and doesn't save labor. It just changes who does the labor. And both myself and the person I just informed is in charge are mutually wondering how to get that higher ranking guy to understand the effort must be expended no matter what, it's just a matter of who does it at what cost. Or perhaps, regardless of cost, who has the capacity to get it done.

[Cascade Failure]

You forgot to mention the customer who wants to pay with either pennies or sweaty boob money.

Having worked as a cashier at Dollar General in SE Texas, I've had that happen to me more than once. It got to the point where my manager had to put up a sign that said "Please don't pay with pennies only or with wet or damp bills".

I will fix that! Also, we actually had someone pay with CROTCH money. Yes, the woman fished a 20 out of her underwear....in summer. Yes, it was damp.

*fixed it and added a couple of others...the exact change and card reader things happened to me multiple times today.

Ever work in an ER? The trauma patient with a wad of bloody bills (or other bodily fluids) in the pants pocket leaves with that same wad. Food for thought.

[RoneKiln]

Me: "Hey, we screwed up 4 years ago and didn't provide necessary files to a client. They now really need them and I can't find them all, please help."

Highest level of leadership involved in the project 4 years ago: "There are some of them, but I don't think it was in our scope to provide them."

Me: "They are literally required for one of the deliverables we provided to function. I am pretty sure the client should not have to specifically state in the scope of work that our shit will work." 

[carrotstick]

Exterminator and nuisance wildlife control operator here, if you ever find yourself needing any kind of rodent control (which you do if you live in a home and have never had exclusion work done), avoid these when discussing the plan with your technician. Something to keep in mind is that we are subject to ongoing training to keep our licenses and you wouldn't offer advice to a doctor about how to treat your illness, right? Same thing here. These are just the most common:

1. "I have a cat" - Rodents can and will learn your fluffy feline friends' patterns and adapt to work around them. They will observe the route he takes to and from the house every day and avoid it at those times. They will alter their times of activity to those when the cat is inside or otherwise away. A cat's territory is large enough that he poses no real threat to the rodents living in your home.

2. "I just bought some traps" - Again, the intelligence of rodents is awe inspiring and frightening. I've always said that if chickens were larger, they'd be the most dominant predator on this planet; and if rats were bigger, their intelligence would make them the most dangerous. I digress. Rats are neophobic; they fear new things in their environment, especially food that wasn't there before. Would you trust a cheeseburger appearing in the hallway of your house? Any catch on a new trap is a fluke; that rat was uncharacteristically inquisitive; forced into testing it due to colony expansion, food shortage, etc.; or an accidental catch.

3. "I've never seen any rodents before" - The species you are likely to deal with are Norway rats, roof (black) rats, the house mouse. These are commensal rodents, meaning they are dependent on human habitation for food water and shelter. They need our structures and slovenly living habits to live comfortably. In recent years deer mice have been showing a similar tendency simply because we are encroaching into the areas they live, and they are good at adapting to their surroundings. The thing is the rodents have always been there, but the colony in your attic/crawl is only now large enough to need to expand into your living space.

4. "They can't get into my house" - In case it was hard to tell, rodents are small. Rats need only an area the size of a nickel to squeeze through and mice need an area the size of a dime and if they can fit their head through an opening, their body can be forced through. At a full sprint. Now, remember that they chew, like a lot. The thing is though, they can't chew straight into a flat surface, that surface must have an edge or crack in it that they can hook their teeth on to begin opening it up to squeeze their head in. Rodents' teeth never stop growing and they are hard enough to chew through (over time) steel and brick, this is due in part to the ability of a rat's jaw muscles to exert twelve (12) tons of pressure per square inch, more than the already insane four (4) of a great white. Oh yeah, their creepy little hands too...
     
      4.a. I also want you to think about how your home was built. Likely with wood framing...and wood sheeting...with wood siding...and asphalt composition, or wood, shingle roofing. The point is most homes are made from a lot of wood. Soft, easily chewed into wood.
     
      4.b. Last point on this; take a walk around your home. Look at all the areas that are large enough to slide a penny in, that is an area these guys can chew. Now, think of the areas that you can't see, that are hidden from us but easily sought out and found by rodents.

5. "They can't live in ____" - Here's the thing, rodents are good at what they do, surviving and exploring. Now, rats don't store food, they eat as they go and remember areas, they have found food before and how to get back to them (using memory, scent trails, etc.). They need very little moisture and can and will eat things that are quite literally rotting garbage, they don't prefer it, but they will if necessary. Mice tend to store food like little doomsday preppers. In their relatively small 100-500 square foot home range they will have multiple food stores that they visit on a rotating basis, never letting one run completely empty. Remember, most rodents tend to favor what we would find tasty, and they prefer to eat what we eat, but they'll make do with bird seed and stale dry goods. Oh, and mice can get any moisture they require from what they eat. On top of this they can carry diseases and viruses, parasites, that would kill other animals (to include humans) with no outward or otherwise negative effect on their health. These little guys are more than happy to crawl through that tunnel they dug into your crawl space and nestle up in that clump of genuine, fiberglass insulation.

6. "I'd prefer you didn't use poison or traps. I read about this sonic/scent based/visual deterrent" - I can understand this, but you gotta meet us halfway. Rodenticides are a necessary evil, to keep these fiends from attempting to regain entry when we seal up the active and potential entry points, we must have an effective method of combatting their number one advantage, numbers. Now before you offer one of the above alternatives, keep in mind what I said about cats up top. Rodents learn and will adapt over time. That sound/smell/bright light is only a nuisance for so long, then it becomes another item in the environment that is of no consequence because they have learned it is in fact, harmless.

      6.a. A note on Havahart and other live cage traps for rodents; don't. Just don't. When you take those guys out back and release them, where do you think they go? Right back to their house. It is as much theirs as it is yours after all, they have lived there for generations, raised a family there, eat and sleep there...the point is they will simply come back and use the same areas for entry that they usually do. The ones that don't make it back will be eaten by birds or coyotes or other predators. So, you may not be poisoning or trapping them in a snap trap, but you are still responsible for their tiny little deaths. Do you want that blood on your hands? Let someone else bear that burden.

7. Get yourself a reputable exterminator that truly knows how to perform exclusion work and then follow that up with sanitation and continuing protection. I won't offer any names, good or bad, simply do your research and ask around. You'll find out who's who pretty quick.

End rant...sorry, this is my hell.
     
Definitions:

Exclusion - The act of using materials that are resistant to rodents (construction cloth, steel flashing, concrete) to seal an area against rodent intrusion.

Sanitation - Cleaning the affected area of rodent scents, debris and nesting material and installing new insulation if necessary.

Continuing protection - Simple, protection stations stocked with an effective and functional rodenticide.

Stay tuned for my rant on nuisance wildlife trapping and the insane demands I get from customers...

[Millzy]

OMG I had to respond to this. I worked in a beer/convenience store out in the middle of nowhere Texas many moons ago.  This one customer came in and always paid with boob money. This one particular time she took her money out of her bra, then sneezed on it and actually handed it to me. I refused to touch it. I got a pencil or something, raked it on the floor and left it there. My boss came in and was somewhat perturbed that I left money laying on the floor. I told her I wasn't touching it. If she needed to fire me go ahead. Many years later I started my career as a correctional officer from which I retired after 15 years. There is no way in hell I could ever work a public job again. I will curse someone out at the drop of a hat. I just can't deal with rude and stupid. The customer is NOT always right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@carrotstick I worked as a pest control tech for a bit. People are not only dumb but some are downright nasty. I went into some homes that were nauseatingly filthy, covered in roaches. I mean roaches like in a nightmare. They expect you to come into their filthy house and get rid of their roaches after one visit. I felt like handing them a can of gas and some matches and telling them that's the only way they are gettin rid of'em.

[Lambykins]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

[flybynight]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

Wow...  that sounds like a real crappy day

[Lambykins]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

Wow...  that sounds like a real crappy day

[Raptor]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

Wow...  that sounds like a real crappy day

I think you earned a medal for that experience. 

[MacWa77ace]

@carrotstick I worked as a pest control tech for a bit. People are not only dumb but some are downright nasty. I went into some homes that were nauseatingly filthy, covered in roaches. I mean roaches like in a nightmare. They expect you to come into their filthy house and get rid of their roaches after one visit. I felt like handing them a can of gas and some matches and telling them that's the only way they are gettin rid of'em.

I've been in those houses. As a furniture/appliance delivery/installer for a well known rental/rent to own company.
One house we delivered a refrigerator to [many many many many moons ago], we could tell was infested when we first stepped in the door. It smelled like roach sh*t. and if you looked at the wall switches or outlets you'd see roach dirt. roach dirt roach dirt. That smell is distinct.

Another we were doing a repo on in govt housing. Living room set and this particular model of seating had no dust cover on the bottom. It was a second floor walk up so when we got the first sofa outside we flipped it side ways to 'check' and the entire hollow of the back of the seat was full of roaches. I'm talking maybe 500. So me and my partner basically picked up the sofa, dropped it really hard on the legs and a wave of roaches fell out and scattered across the parking lot. Rinse and repeat 3 more times. By that time we had an audience out in the parking lot. After loading everything up we stopped at a drugstore and picked up a couple of bug bombs, drove back to the store and set them off in the back of the cube truck.

Another time it was late and I was alone on overtime doing a delivery. Its 8 or 9 pm and I get to the apartment and this sexy girl answers, she's a limo driver I find out while chatting her up. We sit down to go over the rental agreement before I bring in the 'whatever i can't remember'  and as I'm sitting on her rattan couch thinking hmmm, sexy, I look at the arm of the couch and see all the roaches staring back at me out of the bambo slats. Nope, i'm out.

Then going back to the roaches in the furniture, I always brought my lunch to work and this one time I was out of zip lok bags so i used a regular sandwich bag. Kept it in the cube truck. Lunch time came around and I pulled out my tuna sandwich and it was full of roaches. Damn, that was gross, Imagine 20-30 roaches on your sandwich in the sandwich bag. I was starving and had no cash that day, so I actually thought ... but no. I didn't.

[RoneKiln]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

Wow...  that sounds like a real crappy day

I think you earned a medal for that experience. 

E.Monkey is too quiet. Who last saw him?

[flybynight]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.

Wow...  that sounds like a real crappy day

I think you earned a medal for that experience. 

E.Monkey is too quiet. Who last saw him?

Maybe he's too pooped to post   

[MacWa77ace]

I have today off...and that is SUCH a good thing after yesterdays *fun* day at work.
I had a customer shit dead in front of me at my register.
Let's break it down.
A woman, around mid 60s, cheerfully getting her groceries, pauses, says *Oops* and then tells me, "Oh, I thought that was a fart! Guess I was wrong." 
This announcement was followed by her saying "Good thing I wore pants today, otherwise it would be running down my legs" *giggle*.
And then the smell...as she nonchalantly paid for her groceries and continued to chat. 

I broke out the air freshener spray and hosed down my register area after she left.
This. Is. Retail.