Halloween Candy Heirarchy

Started by majorhavoc, November 02, 2023, 02:54:39 PM

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majorhavoc

It's early November,  which means all the unclaimed Halloween candy my coworkers purchased is appearing on counters, cabinets and other communal spots in the office. The order in which it's disappearing (quickly at first, but now slowing down) is interesting.

Predictably, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kats were the first to go, even the cruelly named "fun size" portions. Next went the Snickers, Milkyways and their ilk. There's still a fair bit of Skittles, Starburst and a smattering of Almond Joys, Three Musketeers and Hershey bar derivatives (Mr. Goodbar, Krackle, etc). The less desirable candies like Smarties, Whoppers, gummies and various hard candies will persist well into next week.

This all reminds me of the esteemed and scrupulously researched Hierarchy of Halloween Candy.  Subtlety brilliant and hilariously accurate, it is quite possibly the most important document produced in all history. Rivaling and possibly surpassing the Magna Carta and US Constitution. 
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12_Gauge_Chimp

For me, the worst Halloween candy is those peanut butter chews that come in the orange and black wrappers.

If you got a handful of those when you were trick or treating when I was a kid, that house got taken off the unofficial "Trick or treat here" list every kid had in my schools.

Same went for the houses handing out Avon or Mary Kay pamphlets (I seriously had that happen once. Lady had no candy, but instead handed out Avon/Mary Kay pamphlets to kids for their parents to order from.), giving out dental supplies, sugarfree candies (there was always one house in a neighborhood that did that.), or pennies.

That last one happened every year when I went trick or treating. The guy had a gigantic bowl of candy sitting out in his foyer, but he'd always give kids pennies (or dimes if he had enough of them. Didn't happen very often) and claim he didn't have any candy despite the clearly visible bowl of it sitting out in the open.

The guy came to be known to all us kids as "The Dime Guy" and we all swore the guy saved up his pennies during the year just to be a jerk to us. And it wasn't like he'd hand out multiple coins to each kid.

No, Dime Guy would give each kid one single penny and then send us on our way.

And each year, he'd wonder why his house got egged into the Stone Age. 

NT2C

Quote from: majorhavoc on November 02, 2023, 02:54:39 PMIt's early November,  which means all the unclaimed Halloween candy my coworkers purchased is appearing on counters, cabinets and other communal spots in the office. The order in which it's disappearing (quickly at first, but now slowing down) is interesting.

Predictably, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kats were the first to go, even the cruelly named "fun size" portions. Next went the Snickers, Milkyways and their ilk. There's still a fair bit of Skittles, Starburst and a smattering of Almond Joys, Three Musketeers and Hershey bar derivatives (Mr. Goodbar, Krackle, etc). The less desirable candies like Smarties, Whoppers, gummies and various hard candies will persist well into next week.

This all reminds me of the esteemed and scrupulously researched Hierarchy of Halloween Candy.  Subtlety brilliant and hilariously accurate, it is quite possibly the most important document produced in all history. Rivaling and possibly surpassing the Magna Carta and US Constitution.
Well, now I know why that lady's daughter (the one who sent me a card about Halloween) said we gave out the good candy.  Full-size bars of all the top tier candies, and a smattering of candy from just below (Milky Ways and Nestle Crunch mostly).
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