Corrupt A Wish Game

[NT2C]

I wish my ankle didn't still hurt.

Granted!  Somewhere on that long walk home you managed to sever the main nerve bundle just below your knee and no longer have any sensation, or muscle control, from that point downward.  That new ankle brace is gonna take some getting used to.

I wish I could get a good night's sleep.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

I wish I could get a good night's sleep.

Granted...wait, you don't live in Prudhoe Bay, Alaska?  Oh, that's awkward.  Well, enjoy that two-hour "night."


I wish that mandatory training at work could be more interesting, and even fun.

[NT2C]

I wish that mandatory training at work could be more interesting, and even fun.

Granted!

Your boss introduces you to your replacement that you'll have to fully train before you're let go at the end of next month.  It seems your benefits package was costing too much so they want to start over again with a fresh hire.

I wish the fried chicken we ordered for dinner would get here quicker.

[boskone]

I wish the fried chicken we ordered for dinner would get here quicker.

Done!  ...unfortunately, the chicken isn't.  The salmonella is far less enjoyable than the chicken which bore it.

I wish this last hour of the work day would stop crawling by.

[Nyte]

I wish the fried chicken we ordered for dinner would get here quicker.

Done!  ...unfortunately, the chicken isn't.  The salmonella is far less enjoyable than the chicken which bore it.

I wish this last hour of the work day would stop crawling by.

Done!  Your boss informs you that there is 3 hours of mandatory overtime today.

I wish my professors would quit adding things to assignments right before they are due.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

I wish my professors would quit adding things to assignments right before they are due.

Granted.  Now (like we didn't see this one coming) they add things to assignments after they are due.




I wish I had an absolutely obscene surplus of high-quality ammunition for the firearms that I own, and still legally own and possess after this wish is granted. 

[boskone]

I wish I had an absolutely obscene surplus of high-quality ammunition for the firearms that I own, and still legally own and possess after this wish is granted. 

Granted.  However, the ammo and firearms are only grandfathered to the owner as of now and can't be passed...and, like my coworker, you've had so many concussions that anything more energetic than a Daisy BB gun knocks you unconscious and puts you in the hospital.

I wish I hadn't eaten that second corn dog for lunch.

[NT2C]

I wish I hadn't eaten that second corn dog for lunch.

Granted!  Something about the second corn dog seemed "off" to you, so you skipped it and just moved on to the third, fourth, and fifth, vowing next time to go for the full half dozen and new personal record.

I wish I had a good local shooting range I could use instead of all these private clubs with decades-long waiting lists.

[RoneKiln]

I wish I had a good local shooting range I could use instead of all these private clubs with decades-long waiting lists.

Granted. They let any idiot come shoot and it's filled with careless morons that were vehemently antigun till last year. They're all there with their new gun, have no knowledge of gun safety, refuse to get lessons, and lecture everyone on the nonsense they learned from action movies. They manage to both gripe about how it was so much harder to buy a gun than they ever imagined while still arguing for passing more laws to make it even more difficult.

I wish I could afford a large enough piece of land in my own area to build my own range.

[NT2C]

I wish I could afford a large enough piece of land in my own area to build my own range.

Granted!  A previously unknown relative dies and leaves you enough money to buy enough land and build and outfit a private shooting range that would be the envy of any gun club... if you can manage to get the darn thing built.  Who knew it would be so difficult to get the proper permits and approvals, or that you'd face so many legal challenges from so many groups and individuals?  Is there really such a creature as an "inverse pattern, albino, spotted northern great woodchuck" and why do the darn things only eat a certain type of fungus that only grows on a remote corner of your land.  Fortunately, the damn things are stone-cold deaf, so the sounds of gunfire won't bother them, but the court-mandated steel-reinforced concrete berm all around the area, rated to stop anti-tank rounds, threatens to derail the whole project.

I wish it were easier to move all our stuff and the cats cross-country to Idaho.

[boskone]

I wish it were easier to move all our stuff and the cats cross-country to Idaho.

Granted!  Your house burns down and you have only your least-favorite vehicle, one BOB, some slightly hairless cats (who persist in smelling like burnt fur), and a bill for the new roof.  But moving is easier!

I wish management would let me fix this horrific abomination of a so-called monitoring system.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

I wish management would let me fix this horrific abomination of a so-called monitoring system.

Granted.  In fact, they are so pleased with your initiative that they have decided to forego the old system entirely, and make you the monitoring system.  Of course, now you are required to be on-site 24-7.  No overtime or holiday pay, either, since they didn't have to pay the old system anything.




I wish my fencing project was done already.

[CG]

Man, if anybody wants to go in on it, there's a house for sale out here for $1.3M that has an underground range.

[NT2C]

I wish my fencing project was done already.

Granted!  As they rush you to the nearest hospital and you contemplate the epee hilt deep through your chest you realize that this is the end of your fencing project.

I wish my chest didn't feel that way right now.
(neuralgia, not a heart attack)

[NT2C]

Okay, new start:

I wish we could buy other foods in spray cans like spray cheese.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

Okay, new start:

I wish we could buy other foods in spray cans like spray cheese.

Granted.  I wouldn't have replaced my entire food preps and daily diet with an all spray sushi diet, but hey, you do you.  I guess being the only guy that buys the gas station sushi flavored spray has its benefits. 




I wish I hadn't spent the time thinking about what your spray sushi would look and smell like...

[NT2C]

I wish I hadn't spent the time thinking about what your spray sushi would look and smell like...

Granted!

You go heavily into debt and sink your entire life savings into spray sushi vape juice. Those mob guys are still looking for you.

I wish this house had a basement.

[NT2C]

I wish I hadn't spent the time thinking about what your spray sushi would look and smell like...

Granted!

You go heavily into debt and sink your entire life savings into spray sushi vape juice. Those mob guys are still looking for you.

I wish this house had a basement.

(pretty bad when I have to grant my own wish)

Granted!

The house now has a basement, more commonly known as a sinkhole.  And it's growing.

I wish FedEx would hurry up and deliver my package, I need to run errands.

[echo83]

I wish I hadn't spent the time thinking about what your spray sushi would look and smell like...

Granted!

You go heavily into debt and sink your entire life savings into spray sushi vape juice. Those mob guys are still looking for you.

I wish this house had a basement.

(pretty bad when I have to grant my own wish)

Granted!

The house now has a basement, more commonly known as a sinkhole.  And it's growing.

I wish FedEx would hurry up and deliver my package, I need to run errands.

Wish granted! Unfortunately the FedEx driver was in a hurry and needed to run errands, too. His truck rolled over in your driveway, but no worries, the recovery vehicle will be there in 3 to 5 business days.

I wish all of my Christmas shopping was already done.

[NT2C]

I wish all of my Christmas shopping was already done.

Granted!

When you're a grinch with no friends or family you want to gift, Christmas shopping is easy!

I wish this crazy weather would decide on a season already! (currently 71 F in my AO)