Corrupt A Wish Game

[RoneKiln]

I wish my bed was more comfortable.

Granted, your bed is more comfortable for everyone other than you.

I wish it didn't take 10 pounds of extra equipment for me to camp for one night.

Granted. You freeze on the cold rocky ground.

I wish I could blow of work today without impacting anyone's projects, and climb back into bed.

[Lettuce Pray]

I wish I could blow of work today without impacting anyone's projects, and climb back into bed.

Granted! Unfortunately it turns out you aren't really needed at work today or ever. Your team has figured out how to get along without you and has moved on. Since your financial viability is now in question you have decided to spend the rest of the day in bed and cry.---Sorry that was the best I could come up with.--

I  wish I could still find 38 special range ammo for less money than a truck payment.

[boskone]

I  wish I could still find 38 special range ammo for less money than a truck payment.

Granted.  But when you finally pull your .38 back out, you missed some rust and--after cleaning--your barrel is closer to .44.

I wish I could get a coworker to cover my Monday shift so I don't have to.

[NT2C]

I wish I could get a coworker to cover my Monday shift so I don't have to.

Granted.  Your co-worker covers your Monday shift in exchange for you covering for him on all holidays.  You now get to look forward to working Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, etc.  And, since holidays that fall on the weekend are generally celebrated the following Monday, you still get to drag your tired self into work the occasional Monday.

I wish I had more of this excellent smoked half chicken and wonderful BBQ sauce.

[RoneKiln]

Granted. Along with food poisoning.

I wish I wasn't out of whiskey. 

[Zed hunter]

Granted.  TETOWAKI occurs while you are on a day hike.  Only what's in your day pack will have to suffice.

[boskone]

Granted.  TETOWAKI occurs while you are on a day hike.  Only what's in your day pack will have to suffice.

I think you maybe missed the pattern: you corrupt their wish--not just add an unrelated negative condition--then make your own wish.

So, for example one might respond to RoneKiln with

Granted.  You're touring the Wild Turkey brewery when the invasion starts, and alien war-drones have you bottled up inside.  You have all the whiskey you could ever want.

I wish <your wish here>.

[NT2C]

I wish I wasn't out of whiskey. 

Granted.  An explosion at the "barrelhouse" of a nearby distillery results in your house being effectively shelled with full barrels of whiskey in various stages of aging.  The damage to you and your property is rather extreme but you are no longer out of whiskey.

I wish one of you guys would come pressure wash my house for me.

[Nyte]

I wish I wasn't out of whiskey. 

Granted.  An explosion at the "barrelhouse" of a nearby distillery results in your house being effectively shelled with full barrels of whiskey in various stages of aging.  The damage to you and your property is rather extreme but you are no longer out of whiskey.

I wish one of you guys would come pressure wash my house for me.

Granted, but while pressure washing, the siding strips off in large chunks, adding another repair bill to your load.

I wish my professors had reasonable expectations of the time we have to do things.

[boskone]

I wish my professors had reasonable expectations of the time we have to do things.

Granted.  The have reasonable expectations...they just don't care.

I wish idiot end-users would stop doing shit without first asking how bad an idea it is.

[Barr]

Granted.  The have reasonable expectations...they just don't care.

I wish idiot end-users would stop doing shit without first asking how bad an idea it is.

Granted, now those idiot end users are constantly asking how bad an idea it is, you no longer sleep, nor can you eat, you simply have to answer their dumb damned questions until you have lost your own sense of reason.

I wish I could find a quality ar-15 lower receiver for a semi decent price.

[NT2C]

I wish I could find a quality ar-15 lower receiver for a semi decent price.

Granted.  It isn't until the gun blows up in your face that you realize the reason the price was so good was that it was meant for non-firing replica guns.

I wish ZS had just sold us the old forums.

[RoneKiln]

I wish ZS had just sold us the old forums.

Granted. After overzealous members of the community "persuade" them to sell. Those overzealous members also unintentionally encouraged them to notify the feds over the "negotiation tactics."  Now you and all the the mods are under investigation and the media is having a field day twisting the story even worse.

I wish I had more mental energy after work.

[boskone]

I wish I had more mental energy after work.

Granted.  Too bad RoneKiln's little helpers end up causing a heart attack.

I wish I had the wherewithal to get some random assortment of my favorite YouTubers together, and just see what happens.  (Like Alec Steele, Cole Sonne, Matt Carricker, and Andrew Rea.  Just drop 'em off and tell 'em to come up with a collab.)

[NT2C]

I wish I had the wherewithal to get some random assortment of my favorite YouTubers together, and just see what happens.  (Like Alec Steele, Cole Sonne, Matt Carricker, and Andrew Rea.  Just drop 'em off and tell 'em to come up with a collab.)

Granted.  Unfortunately, Colin Furze crashes the party, literally, in a homemade Concorde, Hickok45 and the Yankee Marshal start trading punches but YM can only hit Hickok's kneecaps.  Then RuinedLeon and Viva Frei try to break them up while Simon Whistler narrates, but by that time the cops and fire department are there to deal with Colin's landing in the neighbor's attic and everyone is arrested and carted off to the local lockup where the LockPickingLawyer could totally pick the lock with a sheet of toilet paper and a pink feather from Leon's hat, but refuses because he's an officer of the court and it wouldn't be right.  The judge throws the book at you as the ringleader.

I wish I had some cheesecake from Junior's in Brooklyn.

[RoneKiln]

I wish I had the wherewithal to get some random assortment of my favorite YouTubers together, and just see what happens.  (Like Alec Steele, Cole Sonne, Matt Carricker, and Andrew Rea.  Just drop 'em off and tell 'em to come up with a collab.)

Granted.  Unfortunately, Colin Furze crashes the party, literally, in a homemade Concorde, Hickok45 and the Yankee Marshal start trading punches but YM can only hit Hickok's kneecaps.  Then RuinedLeon and Viva Frei try to break them up while Simon Whistler narrates, but by that time the cops and fire department are there to deal with Colin's landing in the neighbor's attic and everyone is arrested and carted off to the local lockup where the LockPickingLawyer could totally pick the lock with a sheet of toilet paper and a pink feather from Leon's hat, but refuses because he's an officer of the court and it wouldn't be right.  The judge throws the book at you as the ringleader.

I wish I had some cheesecake from Junior's in Brooklyn.

Sounds like the best YouTube collab video ever! That's a perfect wish fulfillment!

Fine, you swing by Boskone's place to pick up the cheescake he brought back from Brooklyn for you and arrive just in time to get arrested with all the YouTube creators. But you missed all the awesome cool stuff that led to everyone getting arrested. And the Hell's Angels sharing your cell are eyeing that cheesecake the empathetic jail guard allowed you to hang onto.

I wish I had some qualified candidates to hire.

[boskone]

Sounds like the best YouTube collab video ever! That's a perfect wish fulfillment!

I was about to post that I'm not seeing a downside here.

I wish I had some qualified candidates to hire.

Granted.  You have more qualified candidates than you know what to do with...but they all want wages so high you'd have to either under-hire or terminate existing personnel.

I wish I hadn't decided it would be fine to spend 5 hours driving home after tweaking my ankle.

[Mr. E. Monkey]

I wish I hadn't decided it would be fine to spend 5 hours driving home after tweaking my ankle.

Granted.  For some reason, you decided it would be fine to spend 5 hours walking home after tweaking your ankle, instead.  Work through the pain, I guess.


I wish I had a throne made of gummy bears in my office.   

[NT2C]

I wish I had a throne made of gummy bears in my office.   

Granted!  But since you work in hell, they've all melted and you now have a bubbling, sticky, pool of melted gummy bears wall-to-wall and 3" deep in your office.  You cat does not appreciate this.

I wish I knew what I wanted for dinner.

[boskone]

I wish I knew what I wanted for dinner.

Granted!  But now you have to figure out where to find pickled flamingo tongues, you have no idea why you have a craving for silphium (and can't find it anyway), and your wife vetoed durian.  But the posca's still possible!

I wish my ankle didn't still hurt.